This Crush

I dont believe in love at first sight 

No way can someone fall so fast 

And yet i know I got something right 

Because my heart is beating fast 

There's a tingling sensation moving from my head to my feet 

My breath comes to a full stop 

Damn, what is this heat 

And these butterflies flying nonstop 

In my direction you throw a warm gaze

My lips can't help but smile

I got both respect and praise 

And hell I'm ready to stay for a while 

Words aren't enough to explain what I feel 

But I'll show you if you let me 

Close enough for your lips to steal

I'll make it worth your time , you'll see

You're just so beautiful can't you see? 

"I like you" is what I'll continue to say 

Because I'm sorry I can't just let you be 

Not when I know this crush isn't going away 

Silence

I'm laying here in the loud silence

Sinking into a deadly realization

My everyday appearance to the audience

Fake and just for general accommodation

When was the last time I felt something real

The last time I genuinely held a smile

Because happiness was a feel

And not just a play of child

Living in the moment, pushing life's despairs

Holding my head high with each coming day

But my heart sinks with burden and tears

And it becomes unclear the message I'm trying to convey

The need to distract myself here and there

Trying not to dwell in the river of sorrow

Because then I become so aware

Of the pain that I push for another tomorrow

Not so one time

They look at me so enticing

Devouring me through their eyes 

Licking their lips anticipating the icing 

That will come attached to their prize 

I start to melt inside

My body going into overdrive 

It insists that I go along for the ride 

And allow myself, for a moment, to feel alive

I give in , amd now I'm following your lead 

Trying to not use that which lays in my chest 

Trying to silence the voices in my head 

Allow my hormones to take care of the rest 

Your mouth falls on mine 

Bodies crash like the ocean

Every part of your skin so divine

The rhythm moving me in motion

I'm feeling the electricity with every touch 

The passion burning in your fingers

The sheets so tight in my clutch

And your breath on my neck lingers 

You say not to catch a feeling 

That i shouldnt get attached

Because it's not appealing 

And "us" would be mismatched 

This is just a one time thing 

No emotions included 

No rope and no string

My heart and thoughts secluded 

Except that my heart is yelling 

It wants to take center stage 

It's voice so compelling 

Allow me out of this cage 

Your eyes hold me still

Your arms pinning my body

And from there it's all downhill 

I forget I'm just another body 

Adrenaline rushing through me 

And it's not just the liquid flow

My heart breaks out free 

Something more starts to grow 

Your touch has fallen deeper than skin

I get home and have no doubt 

My emotions pulled from within 

Fuck the feelings are out 

Their Call

This the kind of person I am

I run towards those who don’t love, those who can’t appreciate me

Those who don’t give a damn 

If I agree or disagree

 

The pain has become a drug 

The tears I spare, something I don’t see

but I don’t want to unplug

Because only with it do I feel free

 

The fire in them calls my name 

I can’t help but yield its call

my head tells me my heart to reclaim 

but on my own I feel so small

 

I can’t explain how or why 

I run towards those who hurt me most 

They push me down, but I feel high 

What’s left to fight – a ghost

 

I sit here thinking in my mind

How their words cut more than any blade 

But my heart, now theirs, has me confined

And truth is im afraid 

 

I want to break free

I want to run away from it all 

But this has become me

And there goes their addicting call.

Reality

I'm laying here in the loud silence
Sinking into a deadly realization
My everyday appearance to the audience
Fake and just for general accommodation

When was the last time I felt something real
The last time I genuinely held a smile
Because happiness was a feel
And not just a play of a child

Living in the moment, pushing life's despairs

Holding my head high with each coming day
But my heart sinks with burden and tears
And it becomes unclear the message I'm trying to convey

The need to distract myself here and there
Trying not to dwell in the river of sorrow
Because then I become so aware
Of the pain that I push for another tomorrow

Here and Now

I take in the outdoor view
Finally 5 minutes to myself
Theres a boy hanging with his crew
While another keeping to himself

Everyday is the same
I punch in my hours, i use up my days
Thinking now what a shame
To have my life fall in these ways

Theres so much more out there
Things money can't buy
Dollar bills dont compare
To our natural high

The need to be here and now
Be with those you love
Theres only so much you'll allow
If you put work above

That tree dont look the same
That child has grown from yesterday
You have only yourself to blame
When you dont live in today

If work has you drowned
These little things you'll surely miss
Not appreciating the moments and people around
Thereby having nothing but work to reminisce

All over but here

These words won't stick in my head

My mind is racing with people and things

I got every thought except the ones I need 

and why does my ring finger sting?

Focus , focus I try

a sound here, a word there 

My brain cells are fry 

I need some air

I've gone down this road so many times

have I accepted failure in advance?

or is my brain no longer at its prime?

Am I even making the most of this chance?

Theres sirens and lights outside

Is it too early for lunch?

I want a hamburger with fries on the side

will it be too loud to munch?

I need to focus -I need this to stick 

I stare, the teacher's mouth moves

As she chooses who to pick

I sink in my seat, I know she disapproves

but what to do?

How to focus in this room?

Succeed in what I choose to pursue 

"Shush" the ECG video will now resume